Jimmy Kimmel Banned from MNF

Salutations are in order to Sports Illustrated for illustrating this story with letters and words, which put together make paragraphs and stories. Jimmy Kimmel has been banned from Monday Night football for taking pot shots at Joe Theisman during the Broadcast. I really don't understand what the issue is. Kimmel was on the program for an extra, ordinary amount of time, and I know this because my bucket of tears and vomit was about six inches deeper then usual at the end of this 'Monday Night Football is hip with the Kids so we bring on awkward celebrities' portion of the program.

Granted, Kimmel was somewhat awkward and risqué for the usually mundane call of Mikey "That’s another First down" Tirico, Tony "The Patriots are here to win" Kornheiser and Ron "What the quarterback has to do is" Jaworski. But isn't that the whole point? Have they ever seen Jimmy Kimmel before? Did some executive at ESPN/ABC say,

ESPN Exec: We need another fresh hep cat to liven up the third quarter.
Smith: Hmm, how about David Palmer, #2 Ranked Squash Player in the world. He has one hell of a drop shot and, by how he can pin his opponents using the nick.
Espn Exec: No Smith, you idiot, these people don't play squash, they watch football, remember? (Silence)...You know I beat David Palmer one time down at the club.
Smith: No way!
ESPN Exec: yeah, he came up to ESPN to talk to us about televising squash. After I old him that the little people wouldn't watch the splendid sport, we went out for cocktails at the club. One thing led to another, and I had him on the court, drunk as skunk.
Smith: Genius sir.
Exec: Yes, yes, exploiting others low tolerance for alcohol, has served my self-esteem well. Just ask the Psi Gai Wai Sorority at Wesleyan, hahaha. But enough with the Chit chat. How are we going to fill that third quarter popular culture? Johnson, any ideas?
Johnson: Well, when I was buying my daughter and her friend’s alcohol I heard one of hem say that she would love to...well, you know, Jimmy Kimmel.
Exec: Excellent! Just the edge we need. Thanks to Johnson’s borderline child neglect, we've got our third quarter!

Though I digress. The point is, Caveat Emptor d's! Market research, Clauses, (contract clauses not Santa's relatives) will get you through this ish. If I was having a birthday part for my six year old son Jon (Jon Mon) I wouldn't book George Carlin to do stand up (I would book the drunk clown from Uncle Buck). If MNF had done any sort of research they would have realized that JK (KJ's Nemesis) came to fame by making prank phone calls and pissing people off. He is a comedian, he talks about things that are funny, (I.E. ESPN D's JT) If they didn't want him to be controversial, they should have A. Had Regis sit in the booth or B. Put a clause in some sort of contract depicting what he wasn't permitted to say. I didn't see any awkward faced intern with a hook off stage left did you? Besides this is the MO of this Awkward MNF celebrity third quarter. Hence the Bucket...


Overall, I didn't care for the third quarter. Not because I thought Kimmel was offensive or classless. Frankly I think that sports time is sports time. No need to muck it up with stumbling celebrities who lack basic sports knowledge. When I want to watch a movie, I make it a Blockbuster night. When I want to drink to much and have an excuse to tell my wife, I watch football. When the waiter brings out chocolate cake I don't ask for a side of Broccoli, its cake time baby. So, ESPN, kindly ban ALL celebrities from my football watching experience and let me be tortured by traditional football hyperboles. Just banning Jimmy Kimmel for tipping the scales of classlessness by the ESPN Standard is out right despicable. I mean Kimmel? It could have been so much worse. Have you met Tom Cruise before?



"So I said, sure, I love Redskin football, why not take a game in. But enough about me and the love of my Life Katie Holmes, star of Dawson’s creek and future mother of my baby... What are you doing here with your bad self? I heard your gonna be in the booth during the third quarter, mixing it up with the guys. Talking about guy stuff like beer and football on racing cars. Can I come?"